Moving Week, part 1

Amidst all the packing, laundry and cleaning, all I can think about are all the wonderful things the new apartment I’m moving into on Thursday will have:

• Drywall that won’t give me splinters every time I accidentally rub up against it
• Carpet that probably doesn’t shed its fibers like fucking crazy
• A kitchen that doesn’t look like the 1970’s threw up all over it
• Slightly lower rent
• No bees. Or wasps. Or whatever the fuck they are. Anywhere. Fuck yeah.
• Laundry machines (laundromats kind of freak me out for some reason)
• A lack of a creeptastic hallway that makes me nervous when I’m home alone
• Our wonderful, ginormous couch that was hanging out at our friend’s place since it was too big to fit into our apartment
• Neighbors that don’t throw hammers and basketballs at the walls at one in the morning (no, I’m really not exaggerating about this)
• SWEET MOTHER OF BABY KANGAROO JESUS IT WILL HAVE AIR CONDITIONING. I WILL GET TO GO TO WORK WITHOUT MY MAKEUP RUNNING DOWN MY FACE. AND IT WILL BE GLORIOUS.

The only thing I will miss about this apartment is how warm it was during the winter. It was like living in a little log cabin.